Presents, Presence

Ho, ho, ho, it's almost Christmas time! I'm totally going to be one of those people that blogs about my Wishlist so my friends, loyal readers and family will totally know what to get me for Christmas this year. Are you ready? Okay, you better be because I searched long and hard all over the Internet and in shopping malls for the following list!

All I want for Christmas is...

Nothing. Okay, not true. Something.

I'd be happy like this baby if you gave me an empty box for Christmas

Christmas shopping has become a foreign affair in my family over the past few years. When I was a kid, I would never understand why people would just give me money for the holidays. What happened to selecting that special gift for that special someone, a gift that they'd love, use, cherish forever?

Now, I know why. It's just plain easier.

I don't want to kill the whole holiday spirit but please believe me when I ask this of you.

Don't get me anything for Christmas. Please.

Most of you probably weren't intending to anyway but for those few, I'm asking you kindly.

I'm very strapped for cash this year and if you get me something, I will feel 100X guilty and will want to buy you something and then I will be even more strapped for cash. I know money doesn't buy happiness but I will like to keep whatever I have left in my wallet for gas, student loans, my family and the occasional $1.50 ru rou phan at JJCafe.

I really don't need anything. I'm very comfortable with all I have right now. I make ado. I'd rather you save your presents and give it to someone else who needs it a little more.

For those who do want to show me your love (not that I don't feel it radiating everyday. Seriously, thank God for your friendship and love and encouragement and patience and laughter and company), you can gift me with the following:

*My church is making shoe boxes and giving it away to the homeless on Skid Row next week so if you have any socks, water, toothbrushes, toiletries that you don't need, you can definitely bring it on over to mi casa.

*I do like handmade things (and I think I will be handmaking things for you all as well) so a thoughtful card or letter will do the trick.

*Support me in my pageant? As I had mentioned before, I'm a contestant for the 2010 Miss LA Chinatown and the pageant is quite costly. I'm currently selling tickets for the fashion show all the contestants are participating in on January 16, 2010. The information for the show below.

14th Annual Miss Los Angeles Fashion Show

Hosted by the 2009 Miss Los Angeles Chinatown Court

with fashions modeled by

2010 Miss Los Angeles Chinatown Contestants Saturday, January16, 2010

Los Angeles/Universal City Hilton 555 Universal Hollywood Drive Universal City, CA 91608

Buffet Lunch -11:30 a.m. Fashion Show -1:00 to 3:00 p.m.

$35 per seat -- Open seating

The opportunity to catch pretty ladies- and me - vamping it down the catwalk? Priceless.

If you're interested, my actual pageant will take place February 6, 2010 at the Westin Bonaventure in LA. It will be a formal event with a nice banquet dinner. Hence the price for ticket will also reflect the fanciness.

I completely understand if you do not attend either of the events. It would be a lot more fun if you were there but quite frankly, I think I might be a little less freaked out if fewer people I knew were in attendance. And you know what is the best possible gift, support, encouragement you can give me? Just your presence in my life. :) Whether it be a phone call, Facebook message or a hug, I'll take anything. Just not an actual present.

Thanks and Happy Holidays, everyone!

I'm in a Pageant

A casual visit with some old friends yesterday culminated into a lot of embarrassing revelations on my behalf. It started with my friend bribing me to show him my old Chinese commercials (he said he would turn them into a reel).

Oh yeah, I used to do old Chinese commercials. I got recognized the other day too. Don't mess.

And that led to other topics of conversation, which eventually led me to muttering under my breathe, "oh yeah, I'm also a contestant for the 2010 Miss LA Chinatown."

My friend stares quizzically at me. "Why do you sound so embarrassed? Good for you! You should be proud of all of this. You have to embrace it," he instructs me.

I thought about it. Yeah, I should embrace it. Yeah!

I'm usually a big braggart in every other aspect of my life. "Look at me! I did this! Look at me! I hung out with him! Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!" but one area where I'm generally a lot more guarded is the commercial and beauty pageant stuff I have done in the past. I'm not sure why. Maybe because the commercials are quite cheesy and I have bad acting galore and a fat face in most of them? And as for the pageants, maybe it's because they have a rap for being superficial and shallow and catty and old-fashioned and even though I know firsthand that THAT IS NOT TRUE, some part of me don't want to tell people because I'm afraid they'll judge me for it?

But the thing is, the reality is, they are a part of my life. I have done Chinese commercials, I have done pageants and I will probably be doing more of them in my life. I'm doing a pageant on February 6. It's the 2010 Miss LA Chinatown pageant. And I'm proud of it! Yeah!

I really am, though. This is the first pageant that I willingly signed up for, the first one where my mom didn't say, "Surprise, I signed you up for a pageant!" or dragged me through concrete and asphalt and grass and dirt to join.

We've been rehearsing almost every Saturday from 1 - 6. That chunk of time cost me many a missed dates, friends hangouts and even a holiday job but I am learning so much each week. You think pageant girls just strut around onstage and smile wide? Think again.

There's dancing: we're learning this really pretty fan-ribbon dance which is REALLY grueling and gives me cuts and bruises and injured ankles. We have to dance as though we are butterflies (yeah, you heard me, I said, "butterflies.") and because I am neither graceful nor cute nor do I flitter and flutter, this dance helps me out in that area.

There's walking: Walking is an innocuous act we often take for granted. But it is highly important to making an impression. Think back to a time where you were at a party and this lady walks into the room. More like glides. Upon closer inspection, she's no Helen of Troy nor is she sporting a dress made out of bubbles but she just has that presence that makes you take notice. There's a buzz about her. It's most likely her walk, the way she moves, the way she stands. And that presence is what we're trying to develop every Saturday.

There's talking: This is the portion I think I'm most nervous about. I'm a chatty gal but more of the bumbly, crazy hand-gesturing variety. For the question and answer portion of pageant night, we're going to try to be poised, calm, collected while answering questions like, "what do you think is the cause of the California real estate downfall?" Hope hope hope I don't pull a Miss South Carolina Teen USA.

There's more: There's etiquette, how to smile, how to get along with other people, how to dress yourself, how to muti-task, how to become a more important figure in your community, all very vital skills to becoming a better person. I'm blessed for this opportunity to practice and hone in on those skills. And it doesn't hurt that I get to wear a pretty dress and show off my pretty hair come pageant night! In fact, it doesn't get any better than that.

Writing in my blog has become hard in the past couple of days (weeks) because I've been a mess, rushing from here to there, working on this and that, plans changing by the moment. I have so many things I want to share with y'all but they're all coming at me, I can hardly prioritize, straighten, separate, sort, and fold. And then when I don't write in my blog, my feelings and thoughts get even more muddled because they don't get reflected upon and then it gets even harder to write in my blog. It's just a big ol' sad downward spiral. I will attempt to climb up it.

First off, congrats to all my friends who recently got jobs! I'm so proud of y'alls and I knew you can do it. I do feel a little left in the dust but who doesn't. I just know I have to be patient and continue working hard and hopefully, something great fantastic sublime perfect will come along. Until then, I have some projects keeping me preoccupied.

A big one is...I am in a beauty pageant.

Some friends already know about this but this is my big official announcement, I guess. I'm actually really excited about this pageant, it being the first one I actually wanted to do and wasn't entirely forced into it by my parents and all.

I'm sleepy and I have nifty plans tomorrow so SLEEP TIME. Sorry this entry lacks depth, funny anecdotes or even purpose. Just needed to update. However, in honor of my announcement, the next few posts will all be about my upcoming beauty pageant. Then, you will get to know more about what I'm up to. And don't pretend you don't. You know you do. XOXO, JJ

Pageant Past

The latest blunder by yet another beauty queen has been making the internet rounds these days.  At the Miss USA pageant a couple of days ago, Miss California was held under fire for answering Perez Hilton's question about how she feels about gay marriage by calling it "opposite marriage" and then going on to say that she thinks marriage should be between a man and a woman. Most people seemed to show outrage on the "opposite marriage" comment, passing her off as yet another ditz who has no idea what she's talking about.

Normally, I'd be the first one to catch wind of this news and probably have the infamous speech memorized already so that I can re-tell the story to my friends and acquaintances (I'm kind of a gossip girl like that) but there's been so many of these that I didn't even pay close attention to the story for the past few days.  

But a couple of minutes ago, I finally watched the Youtube video (shown above).  

First thought: "What the hell, I KNOW HER!!"

...flashback...

The year was 2004.  It was sweltering hot at the Fresno Convention Center where over 100 girls and their various pageant parents and coaches gathered for the orientation of the Miss California USA and Miss California Teen USA 2004 Pageant.  I was overwhelmed by all the flowered sun dresses and heavily hair-sprayed blonde tresses.  Me in my stark blue and white retro-printed polka dot top and jet black straight hair seemed so out of place, with my petite mom beside me.  Some girls seemed to have already known each other, catching up and giggling over this and that as they waited in line to sign in.  I turned to the girl behind me. 

"Hi, I'm Janice, what's your name?"

The girl beamed a toothsome grin and very easy-goingly replied, "Caroline. Caroline Prejean but you can call me Carrie."

She was from Southern California (San Diego) and it was also her first time competing in Miss Teen California USA pageant but that was pretty much where our similarities ended.  For the rest of the weekend, she racked up so much popularity points, making friends with all the "cool" pageant girls and I mainly tried to disappear into a wall. Caroline-excuse me-Carrie went on to score second place in the pageant.  She was a favored shoo-in to take the crown but her last question screwed her over (deja vu...).

...end flashback...

When I first saw the video, I didn't even recognize her.  This girl is my age! But she looks like she's 30!  And when I heard her speak, gone was the mellow and breezy San Diego tomboy I remembered and in her place was this Nashville cowgirl.  Where did she pick up that twang from?  

As for her actual claim to 15 minutes of fame speech? I do find that she made a mistake in saying "opposite marriage" because it shows a lack of knowledge on her part on the terminologies of one of the hottest topics in society today but I feel like she is entitled to say how she feels about the subject that was asked of her. I even give her props for saying how she feels even though she is aware of the state she is representing and who is asking her the question (Perez is homosexual and one of her judges.)  I don't personally agree with her convictions but I find her respectable to be able to speak her mind.

Perez has been very open in his reaction to Miss California, calling her a "dumb b*tch," and even Prejean's own pageant managers including Shanna Moakler, former pageant queen and ex-wife of Blink-182 drummer Travis Barker, have turned their backs on her but on the other hand, she has been given invitations to speak with FOX and various other news outlets and it's also rumored that she is now dating Michael Phelps (maybe he doesn't believe in opposite marriage either?)  I don't know whether this will be beneficial or harmful to Prejean and her career in the future but as for now, it is what it is.  I still finding it weird that I knew her.  Who's the next tabloid fodder that I'm going to know?